To walk alone

I asked her if we could walk around the campus.

She told me that she just wanted to sit down.

I asked her why.

She replied, ‘I want to sit down. That’s it. I don’t want to walk. If you want to walk, that’s fine with me. I’ll stay sitting here. You could walk alone even without me. In life, you don’t have to be with me in doing what you wanted to do. (blah)(blah)(blah)..’

Tears were rolling down my cheeks while she was saying those things and I couldn’t help but to think that I will walk alone like I always do. Yes, I’m all alone. I already know that even before we met. Even before we became someone dear to each other. Even before she said those words. But I didn’t think that I would hear those painful words from her.

I was rejected. Rejection is what I feared the most way back in college and I certainly got immune to it as I grew older. Maybe due to the realization that being sensitive to it would simply hurt you. I learned to be numbed.

Now, everytime I think of doing things I wanted, I already hesitate to ask her if she would want to join me.

Should your girlfriend/boyfriend be someone to accompany you with all your endeavors in life? I guess companionship is the term. I believe your spouse is your companion in life, in everything that you do.

But I’m here helplessly thinking that I will walk alone while she sits down.

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