They say Love till it hurts.
I know she did all that she could to make me love her. And she succeeded. I thought she was going to play the facilitator in our relationship which I prefer, since everytime I do not know what to do, she instructs me. But everything I have believe in have been shattered into pieces when she decided to put a barrier of cold responses to my efforts of getting her back.
I feel like she does not want me back anymore. I went beyond what I could do, visiting her house, going to their church, and telling her ‘I love you’ from time to time, but I did not hear any word of appreciation that she love me for the effort. It was like no push of motivation since she has been blocking the efforts I was giving her. It was like she was telling me indirectly, ‘give up,’ ‘don’t waste your time on me,’ ‘I don’t need you in my life,’ ‘move on,’ ‘you already had your chance,’ ‘bye, go find another woman.’
I hate this feeling. I have this thought that there is something wrong. I think it is her current special someone that holds her back (I want to punch him.) I also think that her friends and family especially her mother are what keeps her away from me. Or maybe, she just grew tired of waiting for me to prioritize her. I wanted her to be the last girl of my life since she was my first girlfriend. She was already like my wife. More than three years of marriage, oh wait, of relationship I mean, was more than enough to let each other know so much about ourselves. The intimacy we had was the one that really grips my heart from not giving up. But the barrier she built is what loosens that grip. I love her, but she doesn’t want me to love her anymore. ‘be better’ she said. I guess that is the indirect message of telling me ‘hey, give up, I don’t want you back, just go on with your life.’
I’m starting feel sorry to myself for hanging on. Especially that my friend who specializes in Religious Education tells me, ‘Im warning you, don’t go too far.’
She reached her limit of loving me. I felt the eternity of her love. But I was wrong. No one can love someone forever. Even Monica said that. She cannot love a person forever. But I’m beginning to learn that albeit no one can love someone forever, I know two lovers can love each other forever through knowing each other well. Idealistic right?